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The Royal Arsenal

by Half Ton Destrier

supported by
Jason Bombach
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Marc Jones
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Listening Device
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lnfoxes
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Aaron hundtofte
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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    The Royal Arsenal Gatefold CD is now available in limited addition. Every CD cover is individually crafted, making every one of these blighters a lone star. Every CD comes with a booklet, which has been painstakingly woven together by Mr Lucas' hands, and printed onto a stylish, stained, parchment paper offering up lyrics to the tales told in all songs of The Arsenal. At $12.00 (postage included in that), it's a total boon. A steal. The materials alone, cost nearly that much per CD! Get them whilst they last!

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Royal Arsenal via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    edition of 25 
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1.
Darth Bader/Bader's Descent 03:45
lyrics
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ALWAYS AN UNRULY CHILD I WAS PRONE TO SCRAPS PUTTING MY CHEST OUT AT THE BIGGER CHAPS THEN I FLEW AN AEROPLANE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A LAUGH TO TAP THE GROUND WITH MY LEFT WING THEN I HAD THE CRASH AND NOW IT SEEMS I'M HALF THE MAN CAN THIS BE A TEST? WHO SAY'S THAT I CAN'T FLY A PLANE LET ME TAKE THE TEST AT SIX HUNDRED FEET I FLY LOWER THAN THE REST PUT 8 GUNS ON A SPITFIRE THEN I'LL DO THE REST I'VE GOT MORE HEIGHT. I COME FROM THE SUN. ON TOP OF YOU. YOUR TIME IS DONE! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! DARK CLOUDS RISING IN THE EAST JUST START ME UP AND I'LL GET RIGHT TO IT! WHEN THE SKY IS FULL OF WOLVES WE NEED A BOMBARDIER WITH SILVER BULLETS! STEEL AND BLOOD FALL FROM THE SKY I CHOP YOU UP THEN FLY RIGHT THROUGH IT. PUT MONEY ON DOG'SBODY THEN SIT AND COLLECT 'CAUSE IT'S A SURE BET! WHEN THEY TOOK MY LEGS FROM ME I WAS FASHIONED METAL WINGS (OF DEATH!!!)!!!!!
2.
Dance Plague 03:01
lyrics
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AND SHE DANCE THE STRUT. AND SHE SHAKE DAT BUTT. AND SHE ROCK THAT WOODEN STAGE. 'COS HER BLOOD IS HOT. AND SHE JUST CAN'T STOP. SHE'LL TAKE DANCING TO THE GRAVE. FRAU TROFFEA MOVE THAT BODY SHAKE IT SIDE TO SIDE RAVE IN STRASBOURG STROKE EXHAUSTION THIS ENERGETIC RIDE LIGHTS UP THE HEART UNTIL IT STARTS TO FEED YOUR SOUL WITH FEAR THE DANCERS GROW AND THEY ALL KNOW THE YEAR COULD END IN TEARS! IT'S 1518 IT'S NOT 93' THERE'S NO CURE TO STOP A RAVE. AND THEY JUST CAN'T STOP, AS THEY DANCE AND BOP! TO THIS EVIL DANCING PLAGUE! FRAU TROFFEA MOVE THAT BODY SHAKE IT SIDE TO SIDE RAVE IN STRASBOURG STROKE EXHAUSTION THIS ENERGETIC RIDE LIGHTS UP THE HEART UNTIL IT STARTS TO FEED YOUR SOUL WITH FEAR THE DANCERS GROW AND THEY ALL KNOW THE YEAR COULD END IN TEARS! BRING IN THE BANDS SHAKE THAT BODY BRING IN THE DOCTORS MOVE THAT BODY BRING IN THE PRIESTS BOUNCE THAT BOOTY BRING IN THE PRAYERS! DANCE!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?? X4
3.
S. Wallace and W. 63rd Street 01:00
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4.
H. H. Holmes 02:08
lyrics
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H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. AT THE WORLD'S FAIR, A BUILDING, ERECTED, CASTING SHADOWS FOR A MONSTER'S URGE, OFFERS THRILLS AND SPILLS, EXCITEMENT, FOR ONE MAN WHO GETS ENLIGHTMENT FROM A HEARTY FORM OF PRACTICE, USING HORROR IN HIS TACTICS CALL IT… H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. ENTER IF YOU WILL, 63RD AND WALLACE, ON THE SECOND FLOOR YOU'LL MEET YOUR END. POSING AIRTIGHT ROOMS AND GAS-PIPES, WHICH WILL SUFFOCATE YOUR WIND-PIPES, AND A SECRET SCHUTE ENABLING DISSECTION OR CREMATION CALL IT… H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. RISE TO THE FEAR. RISE TO THE DEATH. FILLING THE VOID. THE HOLE IN MY CHEST. X2 H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
5.
Knife King 02:36
lyrics
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THESE ROMANS GOT ME TICKED, YOU KNOW THEY BREAK ALL THEIR DEALS LET’S CROSS THE RIVER WITH AN ARMY RAISE HAVOC MURDER & STEAL!! THWARTED BY THE EMPEROR LET’S RUN FOR THE HILLS BUT THEN WE’LL TURN ON THE PURSUERS SURPRISE!! YOU’RE GONNA KILLED!! THEIR LEADER SCURRIED AWAY!! WHILE HIS BATTALION WAS SLAIN!! THE MOUNTAINS NOW ARE BLOOD STAINED!! NOW YOU’LL REMEMBER MY REIGN!! (CHORUS…) IN THE 3RD CENTURY CNIVA! KNIFE KING OF THE GOTHICS! X 2 PHILIPPOPOLIS 100,000 DEAD DECIUS IS PISSED NOW, SO HE RIDES WITH HIS SON FOR MY HEAD!! WE’RE SEVERELY OUTNUMBERED BUT I GOT A PLAN WE’LL USE THE SWAMP & SUCK THEM IN WE’LL ‘ROUT THEM WHEN THEY HAVE NO LAND!! DECIUS GOT AWAY ONCE! BUT THEN SUCCUMBED TO THE BLOODLUST! GOT TRAPPED BY ASSUREDNESS! SO NOW HE ROTS IN THE MUCK! (CHORUS…) X 2 ROMANS SHOULD RUN WHEN THEY SEE CNIVA COMING!! HE’LL CATCH YOU, HE’LL CUT YOU, HE’LL GET YOUR BLOOD RUNNING OUT!
6.
Raging Steed 03:15
lyrics
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HARNESS THE BEAST WITH THE PHANTOM SNORT AS THE STEED STAMPEDES IN A SPECTRAL FORCE NO GRACE. BRINGER OF NEWS OF A DIM-LIT KIND, OF A NEARING FATE THAT WILL LEAVE YOUR BREATH BEHIND. LUNA, SATELLITE, GODDESS OF THE SKY. BRINGS ALL TOO BAD UPON ME ALL TOO BAD UPON ME. EQUINE GHOST REACHING ALL OF 10 FEET HIGH. BRINGS ALL TOO BAD UPON ME ALL TOO BAD UPON ME. HERALD AND BEHOLD! THE RAGING STEED!! THUNDEROUS HOOVES DRIVING EARTH TO DUST, BELLOWING OUT FROM A WHIMPERING CRUST CALLED HATE. SCOLDING THE GROUND WITH A FORCE TEN SCREAM, TO REACH US AND TELL US IMPENDING DISASTER AWAITS. LUNAR DIETY, DAUGHTER OF THE MOUNT BRINGS ALL TOO BAD UPON ME ALL TOO BAD UPON ME. RAGING STEED IS DELIVERER OF DOUBT. BRINGS ALL TOO BAD UPON ME ALL TOO BAD UPON ME. HERALD AND BEHOLD! THE RAGING STEED!!
7.
Tumblety 02:34
lyrics
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TUMBLETY. X4 PROUD TO PROVE THOSE HERBAL CURES ARE WORTH ALL THAT (MAN). CAPED IN COLOR HEAD TO TOE, FLAMBOYANT QUACK (MAN). REINVENTED, RE-INSTALLED PLUS RECONNECTED. BRUSH THAT MUSTACHE GREASE THOSE MEDALS. TURN AROUND AND DASH, BEFORE HE KICKS YOUR ASS. TUMBLETY. X4 BLAMED FOR CERTAIN NASTY DEEDS A CRIMINAL (MAN). DID HE CUT THE LADIES OF THE NIGHT IN THAT YEAR? TIME CAN ONLY FADE AWAY THE TRUTH LIKE SPOT CREAM. BRUSH THAT MUSTACHE GREASE THOSE MEDALS. TURN AROUND AND DASH, HE'LL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS. TUMBLETY. X4
8.
Submersible 01:57
lyrics
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AS WE TOUCH THE ICY WATERS OF AN UNKNOWN LANDSCAPE. DEEP COLD BRINE EMBRACES WHAT IS TO BE AN ADVENTURE. I'M THE CAPTAIN OF THIS TURTLE! I COMMAND WE SUBMERGE! DARKER GREEN AS STRANGER SHAPES TAKE ON A MEANER PRESENCE FLOATING INTO SCREAMS. SCREAMS. SCREAMS. FURTHER DOWN WE SEE A BELT OF EVIL STARING AT US. LOOKING AT THE WAY WE TRY TO THINK WE OWN THIS PLANET. AGGRAVATE! AGGRAVATE! CAN'T BELIEVE THE HUMANS DARE TO FACE US. I BELIEVE IN REVENGE! I BELIEVE IN REVENGE! I BELIEVE THE KRAKON STRIP YOUR FLESH FROM BONES. BONES. BONES. BONES. INTO SORROW WE SINK. AS TOMORROW DELINKS. PASSING FACES THAT BITE, AN INCREDIBLE SIGHT. FALLING FURTHER TOWARDS… ANOTHER WORLD IN IT'S RIGHT. AND THIS IS IT… PULL ME BACK PLEASE PULL ME BACK WE CANNOT DIE HERE. I CAN FEEL THE SUFFOCATION I CAN'T DIE HERE! FEEL THE TENSION. PULL ME BACK WE CANNOT DIE HERE. SUCKING AT MY LUNGS THE SALT IS REPLACING AIR.
9.
Lucky Chan 02:49
lyrics
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BEYOND THE GIN PALACES AT THE DOCKS BENEATH THE SQUALLER AND UNDER THE RAMPS. A TINY DOOR LEADS THE WAY TO A PLACE, WHERE LUCKY CHAN HELPS YOUR MIND TO REVAMP. THEY GOT THE LAMPS AND THE PIPES AND THE BEDDING TO DREAM ESCAPE THE STRESS AND THE STENCH OF THE DAY. WITH AN ABUNDANCE OF HOURS SEE YOU ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT, A HIDDEN PLACE FOR THE MAN TO DELAY LIFE. WE HAVE THE TINCTURES AND THE DRUGS WE HAVE THE COMFORT AND THE PEACE. WE HAVE THE MEANS TO MAKE YOU HIGH. WE HAVE THE MEANS MAKE YOU DISEASED. A RECTIFYING CLOUD OF LAUDANUM IS YOUR NEW LOVER YOUR CONSTANT NEED TO VISIT US A BABY TO IT'S MOTHER. (FUCKER?) WE HAVE THE MEDICINE YOU NEED. WE HAVE THE BOOT TO STAMP UPON YOUR NIGHT-MARES. WE BRING YOU OFF BEFORE YOUR WIVES. WE TURN YOU ON BEFORE YOUR WHORES. WE HAVE YOUR SOUL WITHIN OUR FISTS. WE ARE THE REASON YOU EXIST. YOU TAKE A DEEP INHALE AND THEN YOU SEE IT ALL SO CLEAR THE SHAKING STOPS YOU DRIFT AWAY FROM ALL THE MORTAL FEAR. BECAUSE. WE HAVE THE TIME TO WASTE WITH YOU. WE HAVE THE BOOT TO STAMP UPON YOUR NIGHT-MARES. IF YOU FOLLOW THIS PATH YOU'LL BE SMILING THE LAST MANY FACES REPLACES, MANY SNEERS TO THE LAST WE HAVE THE TINCTURES AND THE DRUGS WE HAVE THE COMFORT AND THE PEACE. WE HAVE THE MEANS TO MAKE YOU HIGH. WE HAVE THE BOOT TO STAMP UPON YOUR NIGHT-MARES.

credits

released December 12, 2012

Recorded and produced by Half Ton Destrier.

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Half Ton Destrier Michigan

Atkinson Grimshaw and The Woodcocks do songs about weird history and past tales in punk.

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