The Royal Arsenal

by Half Ton Destrier

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    The Royal Arsenal Gatefold CD is now available in limited addition. Every CD cover is individually crafted, making every one of these blighters a lone star. Every CD comes with a booklet, which has been painstakingly woven together by Mr Lucas' hands, and printed onto a stylish, stained, parchment paper offering up lyrics to the tales told in all songs of The Arsenal. At $12.00 (postage included in that), it's a total boon. A steal. The materials alone, cost nearly that much per CD! Get them whilst they last!

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1.
2.
03:01
3.
4.
02:08
5.
02:36
6.
03:15
7.
02:34
8.
01:57
9.
02:49

credits

released December 12, 2012

Recorded and produced by Half Ton Destrier.

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Half Ton Destrier Michigan

Atkinson Grimshaw and The Woodcocks do songs about weird history and past tales in punk.

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Track Name: Darth Bader/Bader's Descent
ALWAYS AN UNRULY CHILD
I WAS PRONE TO SCRAPS
PUTTING MY CHEST OUT
AT THE BIGGER CHAPS
THEN I FLEW AN AEROPLANE
THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A LAUGH
TO TAP THE GROUND WITH MY LEFT WING
THEN I HAD THE CRASH

AND NOW IT SEEMS I'M HALF THE MAN
CAN THIS BE A TEST?
WHO SAY'S THAT I CAN'T FLY A PLANE
LET ME TAKE THE TEST
AT SIX HUNDRED FEET I FLY
LOWER THAN THE REST
PUT 8 GUNS ON A SPITFIRE
THEN I'LL DO THE REST

I'VE GOT MORE HEIGHT.
I COME FROM THE SUN.
ON TOP OF YOU.
YOUR TIME IS DONE!

AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

DARK CLOUDS RISING IN THE EAST
JUST START ME UP AND I'LL GET RIGHT TO IT!
WHEN THE SKY IS FULL OF WOLVES
WE NEED A BOMBARDIER WITH SILVER BULLETS!
STEEL AND BLOOD FALL FROM THE SKY
I CHOP YOU UP THEN FLY RIGHT THROUGH IT.
PUT MONEY ON DOG'SBODY
THEN SIT AND COLLECT 'CAUSE IT'S A SURE BET!

WHEN THEY TOOK MY LEGS FROM ME
I WAS FASHIONED METAL WINGS (OF DEATH!!!)!!!!!
Track Name: Dance Plague
AND SHE DANCE THE STRUT.
AND SHE SHAKE DAT BUTT.
AND SHE ROCK THAT WOODEN STAGE.
'COS HER BLOOD IS HOT.
AND SHE JUST CAN'T STOP.
SHE'LL TAKE DANCING TO THE GRAVE.

FRAU TROFFEA MOVE THAT BODY
SHAKE IT SIDE TO SIDE
RAVE IN STRASBOURG
STROKE EXHAUSTION
THIS ENERGETIC RIDE
LIGHTS UP THE HEART UNTIL IT STARTS
TO FEED YOUR SOUL WITH FEAR
THE DANCERS GROW AND THEY ALL KNOW
THE YEAR COULD END IN TEARS!


IT'S 1518
IT'S NOT 93'
THERE'S NO CURE TO STOP A RAVE.
AND THEY JUST CAN'T STOP,
AS THEY DANCE AND BOP!
TO THIS EVIL DANCING PLAGUE!

FRAU TROFFEA MOVE THAT BODY
SHAKE IT SIDE TO SIDE
RAVE IN STRASBOURG
STROKE EXHAUSTION
THIS ENERGETIC RIDE
LIGHTS UP THE HEART UNTIL IT STARTS
TO FEED YOUR SOUL WITH FEAR
THE DANCERS GROW AND THEY ALL KNOW
THE YEAR COULD END IN TEARS!

BRING IN THE BANDS
SHAKE THAT BODY
BRING IN THE DOCTORS
MOVE THAT BODY
BRING IN THE PRIESTS
BOUNCE THAT BOOTY
BRING IN THE PRAYERS!
DANCE!!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?? X4
Track Name: H. H. Holmes
H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.

AT THE WORLD'S FAIR, A BUILDING, ERECTED,
CASTING SHADOWS FOR A MONSTER'S URGE,
OFFERS THRILLS AND SPILLS, EXCITEMENT,
FOR ONE MAN WHO GETS ENLIGHTMENT
FROM A HEARTY FORM OF PRACTICE,
USING HORROR IN HIS TACTICS
CALL IT…

H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.

ENTER IF YOU WILL, 63RD AND WALLACE,
ON THE SECOND FLOOR YOU'LL MEET YOUR END.
POSING AIRTIGHT ROOMS AND GAS-PIPES,
WHICH WILL SUFFOCATE YOUR WIND-PIPES,
AND A SECRET SCHUTE ENABLING
DISSECTION OR CREMATION
CALL IT…

H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.


RISE TO THE FEAR.
RISE TO THE DEATH.
FILLING THE VOID.
THE HOLE IN MY CHEST. X2

H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
Track Name: Knife King
THESE ROMANS GOT ME TICKED, YOU KNOW
THEY BREAK ALL THEIR DEALS
LET’S CROSS THE RIVER WITH AN ARMY
RAISE HAVOC MURDER & STEAL!!

THWARTED BY THE EMPEROR
LET’S RUN FOR THE HILLS
BUT THEN WE’LL TURN ON THE PURSUERS
SURPRISE!! YOU’RE GONNA KILLED!!

THEIR LEADER SCURRIED AWAY!!
WHILE HIS BATTALION WAS SLAIN!!
THE MOUNTAINS NOW ARE BLOOD STAINED!!
NOW YOU’LL REMEMBER MY REIGN!!

(CHORUS…)
IN THE 3RD CENTURY CNIVA!
KNIFE KING OF THE GOTHICS! X 2

PHILIPPOPOLIS
100,000 DEAD
DECIUS IS PISSED NOW, SO HE
RIDES WITH HIS SON FOR MY HEAD!!

WE’RE SEVERELY OUTNUMBERED
BUT I GOT A PLAN
WE’LL USE THE SWAMP & SUCK THEM IN
WE’LL ‘ROUT THEM WHEN THEY HAVE NO LAND!!

DECIUS GOT AWAY ONCE!
BUT THEN SUCCUMBED TO THE BLOODLUST!
GOT TRAPPED BY ASSUREDNESS!
SO NOW HE ROTS IN THE MUCK!

(CHORUS…) X 2

ROMANS SHOULD RUN WHEN THEY SEE CNIVA COMING!!
HE’LL CATCH YOU, HE’LL CUT YOU, HE’LL GET YOUR BLOOD RUNNING OUT!
Track Name: Raging Steed
HARNESS THE BEAST WITH THE PHANTOM SNORT
AS THE STEED STAMPEDES IN A SPECTRAL FORCE NO GRACE.
BRINGER OF NEWS OF A DIM-LIT KIND,
OF A NEARING FATE THAT WILL LEAVE YOUR BREATH BEHIND.

LUNA, SATELLITE, GODDESS OF THE SKY.
BRINGS ALL TOO BAD UPON ME
ALL TOO BAD UPON ME.
EQUINE GHOST REACHING ALL OF 10 FEET HIGH.
BRINGS ALL TOO BAD UPON ME
ALL TOO BAD UPON ME.

HERALD AND BEHOLD! THE RAGING STEED!!

THUNDEROUS HOOVES DRIVING EARTH TO DUST,
BELLOWING OUT FROM A WHIMPERING CRUST CALLED HATE.
SCOLDING THE GROUND WITH A FORCE TEN SCREAM,
TO REACH US AND TELL US IMPENDING DISASTER AWAITS.

LUNAR DIETY, DAUGHTER OF THE MOUNT
BRINGS ALL TOO BAD UPON ME
ALL TOO BAD UPON ME.
RAGING STEED IS DELIVERER OF DOUBT.
BRINGS ALL TOO BAD UPON ME
ALL TOO BAD UPON ME.

HERALD AND BEHOLD! THE RAGING STEED!!
Track Name: Tumblety
TUMBLETY. X4
PROUD TO PROVE THOSE HERBAL CURES ARE WORTH ALL THAT (MAN).
CAPED IN COLOR HEAD TO TOE,
FLAMBOYANT QUACK (MAN).
REINVENTED, RE-INSTALLED PLUS RECONNECTED.
BRUSH THAT MUSTACHE GREASE THOSE MEDALS.
TURN AROUND AND DASH,
BEFORE HE KICKS YOUR ASS.

TUMBLETY. X4

BLAMED FOR CERTAIN NASTY DEEDS A CRIMINAL (MAN).
DID HE CUT THE LADIES OF THE NIGHT IN THAT YEAR?
TIME CAN ONLY FADE AWAY THE TRUTH LIKE SPOT CREAM.
BRUSH THAT MUSTACHE GREASE THOSE MEDALS.
TURN AROUND AND DASH,
HE'LL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS.

TUMBLETY. X4
Track Name: Submersible
AS WE TOUCH THE ICY WATERS OF AN UNKNOWN LANDSCAPE.
DEEP COLD BRINE EMBRACES WHAT IS TO BE AN ADVENTURE.
I'M THE CAPTAIN OF THIS TURTLE! I COMMAND WE SUBMERGE!
DARKER GREEN AS STRANGER SHAPES TAKE ON A MEANER PRESENCE FLOATING INTO SCREAMS.
SCREAMS.
SCREAMS.

FURTHER DOWN WE SEE A BELT OF EVIL STARING AT US.
LOOKING AT THE WAY WE TRY TO THINK WE OWN THIS PLANET.
AGGRAVATE! AGGRAVATE!
CAN'T BELIEVE THE HUMANS DARE TO FACE US.
I BELIEVE IN REVENGE! I BELIEVE IN REVENGE!
I BELIEVE THE KRAKON STRIP YOUR FLESH FROM BONES.
BONES.
BONES.
BONES.

INTO SORROW WE SINK.
AS TOMORROW DELINKS.
PASSING FACES THAT BITE, AN INCREDIBLE SIGHT.
FALLING FURTHER TOWARDS…
ANOTHER WORLD IN IT'S RIGHT.
AND THIS IS IT…

PULL ME BACK PLEASE PULL ME BACK WE CANNOT DIE HERE.
I CAN FEEL THE SUFFOCATION I CAN'T DIE HERE!
FEEL THE TENSION. PULL ME BACK WE CANNOT DIE HERE.
SUCKING AT MY LUNGS THE SALT IS REPLACING AIR.
Track Name: Lucky Chan
BEYOND THE GIN PALACES AT THE DOCKS
BENEATH THE SQUALLER AND UNDER THE RAMPS.
A TINY DOOR LEADS THE WAY TO A PLACE,
WHERE LUCKY CHAN HELPS YOUR MIND TO REVAMP.

THEY GOT THE LAMPS AND THE PIPES AND THE BEDDING TO DREAM
ESCAPE THE STRESS AND THE STENCH OF THE DAY.
WITH AN ABUNDANCE OF HOURS SEE YOU ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT,
A HIDDEN PLACE FOR THE MAN TO DELAY LIFE.

WE HAVE THE TINCTURES AND THE DRUGS
WE HAVE THE COMFORT AND THE PEACE.
WE HAVE THE MEANS TO MAKE YOU HIGH.
WE HAVE THE MEANS MAKE YOU DISEASED.

A RECTIFYING CLOUD OF LAUDANUM IS YOUR NEW LOVER
YOUR CONSTANT NEED TO VISIT US
A BABY TO IT'S MOTHER. (FUCKER?)
WE HAVE THE MEDICINE YOU NEED.
WE HAVE THE BOOT TO STAMP UPON
YOUR
NIGHT-MARES.

WE BRING YOU OFF BEFORE YOUR WIVES.
WE TURN YOU ON BEFORE YOUR WHORES.
WE HAVE YOUR SOUL WITHIN OUR FISTS.
WE ARE THE REASON YOU EXIST.

YOU TAKE A DEEP INHALE AND THEN YOU SEE IT ALL SO CLEAR
THE SHAKING STOPS YOU DRIFT AWAY FROM ALL THE MORTAL FEAR. BECAUSE.
WE HAVE THE TIME TO WASTE WITH YOU.
WE HAVE THE BOOT TO STAMP UPON
YOUR
NIGHT-MARES.

IF YOU FOLLOW THIS PATH
YOU'LL BE SMILING THE LAST
MANY FACES REPLACES,
MANY SNEERS TO THE LAST

WE HAVE THE TINCTURES AND THE DRUGS
WE HAVE THE COMFORT AND THE PEACE.
WE HAVE THE MEANS TO MAKE YOU HIGH.
WE HAVE THE BOOT TO STAMP UPON
YOUR
NIGHT-MARES.