We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Live @ The Old Miami

by Half Ton Destrier

/

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

     

1.
Dance Plague 03:09
lyrics
buy track
AND SHE DANCE THE STRUT. AND SHE SHAKE DAT BUTT. AND SHE ROCK THAT WOODEN STAGE. 'COS HER BLOOD IS HOT. AND SHE JUST CAN'T STOP. SHE'LL TAKE DANCING TO THE GRAVE. FRAU TROFFEA MOVE THAT BODY SHAKE IT SIDE TO SIDE RAVE IN STRASBOURG STROKE EXHAUSTION THIS ENERGETIC RIDE LIGHTS UP THE HEART UNTIL IT STARTS TO FEED YOUR SOUL WITH FEAR THE DANCERS GROW AND THEY ALL KNOW THE YEAR COULD END IN TEARS! IT'S 1518 IT'S NOT 93' THERE'S NO CURE TO STOP A RAVE. AND THEY JUST CAN'T STOP, AS THEY DANCE AND BOP! TO THIS EVIL DANCING PLAGUE! FRAU TROFFEA MOVE THAT BODY SHAKE IT SIDE TO SIDE RAVE IN STRASBOURG STROKE EXHAUSTION THIS ENERGETIC RIDE LIGHTS UP THE HEART UNTIL IT STARTS TO FEED YOUR SOUL WITH FEAR THE DANCERS GROW AND THEY ALL KNOW THE YEAR COULD END IN TEARS! BRING IN THE BANDS SHAKE THAT BODY BRING IN THE DOCTORS MOVE THAT BODY BRING IN THE PRIESTS BOUNCE THAT BOOTY BRING IN THE PRAYERS! DANCE!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?? X4 DANCE PLAGUE!! (REPEAT UNTIL DEAD FROM DANCING).
2.
Gibbet 01:59
lyrics
buy track
YOU WON'T CATCH ME AT THE END OF A GIBBET YOU WON'T CATCH ME AT THE END OF A GIBBET YOU WON'T CATCH ME AT THE END OF A GIBBET SO WHY DO YOU TRY TO TRACK ME DOWN WITH IT? GIBBET HILL IS VICTORIOUS. PESTILENCE FROM THE NECK THAT BROKE. FILL THE AIR WITH THE SMELL OF DEATH. HUNG BY CHAINS. LET THE CROWS AND RAVENS EAT YOUR FACE THE MORSELS OF YOUR SKIN AND EYES. YOU WON'T CATCH ME AT THE END OF A GIBBET YOU WON'T CATCH ME AT THE END OF A GIBBET YOU WON'T CATCH ME AT THE END OF A GIBBET SO WHY DO YOU TRY TO TRACK ME DOWN WITH IT? HANGING CAGE, CRUCIFIXION RITE. DANGLING IN A PUBLIC SITE. I AM WARNED. THEY ARE AFTER ME. BEST OF LUCK. AS A MASTER OF THE SEA I LURK WITHIN THE WAVES AND DISAPPEAR. AND ALL THE KINGS MEN SEEK ME, DRAWN AND QUARTERED WEEKLY, LESS FORTUNATE, SICKLY, SAILORS FOR THEIR BOUNTY ARE HUNG OUT TO DRY IN THE SCORCH OF THE SUN. LEFT THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR THE CRITTERS TO CHEW UPON, ROTTING, DECAYED FROM THE SMITE OF THE LORDS, TRY IT, YOU WON'T CAPTURE MEEEEEE!!!! YOU WON'T CATCH ME AT THE END OF A GIBBET YOU WON'T CATCH ME AT THE END OF A GIBBET YOU WON'T CATCH ME AT THE END OF A GIBBET SO WHY DO YOU TRY TO TRACK ME DOWN WITH IT?
3.
H.H. Holmes 02:21
lyrics
buy track
H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. AT THE WORLD'S FAIR, A BUILDING, ERECTED, CASTING SHADOWS FOR A MONSTER'S URGE, OFFERS THRILLS AND SPILLS, EXCITEMENT, FOR ONE MAN WHO GETS ENLIGHTMENT FROM A HEARTY FORM OF PRACTICE, USING HORROR IN HIS TACTICS CALL IT… H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. ENTER IF YOU WILL, 63RD AND WALLACE, ON THE SECOND FLOOR YOU'LL MEET YOUR END. POSING AIRTIGHT ROOMS AND GAS-PIPES, WHICH WILL SUFFOCATE YOUR WIND-PIPES, AND A SECRET SCHUTE ENABLING DISSECTION OR CREMATION CALL IT… H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. RISE TO THE FEAR. RISE TO THE DEATH. FILLING THE VOID. THE HOLE IN MY CHEST. (X2) H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE. H. H. HOLMES AND THE CASTLE OF TORTURE.
4.
The Boats 02:39
lyrics
buy track
'SCUSE ME AS I RIDE THE BOATS. AINT NO PARTICULAR ESCAPE FROM PAIN. MILK AND HONEY IS APPLIED IN COATS. BRING ON THE INSECTS 'TILL MY FINAL SCREAM. CENTIPEDES START TO FEED FUCK AND BREED OVER ME. UNDER SKIN LIFE BEGINS OVER BINGE GANGRENE. (X2) FLIES LAY THEIR EGGS, FECAL MESS. DEATH IN SESS. VENOM STINGS BRINGING SORES, FILTH AND PORES, FILLED WITH PUSS EX-PLOD-INGGGGGGGGG…. 'SCUSE ME AS I RIDE THE BOATS. AINT NO PARTICULAR ESCAPE FROM DEATH. DRIFT DOWN STREAM WITH THE PESTILENCE CRY LIKE A BABY FOR MY FINAL BREATH. PARASATOIDS (WITHIN) WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME (X4)
5.
Chronovisor 02:18
lyrics
buy track
I WISH TO VIEW THE KING. I WISH TO SEE IT ALL. THE FORMS THAT SHAPED THE EARTH, THE ELEMENTS THAT CALL. A WINDOW UNLIKE ALL THAT SHOW'S US HOW IT WAS. COLLECTING RADIATION TO LET US PERUSE THE PAST. BURNING TO SEE! BURNING TO SEE! BURNING TO SEE THOSE EYES! BURNING TO SEE! BURNING TO SEE! BURNING TO SEE THOSE EYES! EYES ROLL UPWARDS FEELING PAIN LET ME TAKE A SHOT. LET ME SEE THE FRUITS OF LIFE AND BULLSHIT 'TILL I DROP!! DECODE ATOMS AND SOUNDWAVES. ROUTE TO ANCIENT STARS. MOVING LEVERS WITNESS PAIN, SHIT THAT NEVER WAS! BURNING TO SEE! BURNING TO SEE! BURNING TO SEE THOSE EYES! BURNING TO SEE! BURNING TO SEE! BURNING TO SEE THOSE EYES!
6.
Darth Bader / Bader's Descent 03:07
lyrics
buy track
ALWAYS AN UNRULY CHILD I WAS PRONE TO SCRAPS PUTTING MY CHEST OUT AT THE BIGGER CHAPS THEN I FLEW AN AEROPLANE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A LAUGH TO TAP THE GROUND WITH MY LEFT WING THEN I HAD THE CRASH AND NOW IT SEEMS I'M HALF THE MAN CAN THIS BE A TEST? WHO SAY'S THAT I CAN'T FLY A PLANE LET ME TAKE THE TEST AT SIX HUNDRED FEET I FLY LOWER THAN THE REST PUT 8 GUNS ON A SPITFIRE THEN I'LL DO THE REST I'VE GOT MORE HEIGHT. I COME FROM THE SUN. ON TOP OF YOU. YOUR TIME IS DONE! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! DARK CLOUDS RISING IN THE EAST JUST START ME UP AND I'LL GET RIGHT TO IT! WHEN THE SKY IS FULL OF WOLVES WE NEED A BOMBARDIER WITH SILVER BULLETS! STEEL AND BLOOD FALL FROM THE SKY I CHOP YOU UP THEN FLY RIGHT THROUGH IT. PUT MONEY ON DOG'SBODY THEN SIT AND COLLECT 'CAUSE IT'S A SURE BET! WHEN THEY TOOK MY LEGS FROM ME I WAS FASHIONED METAL WINGS (OF DEATH!!!)!!!!!
7.
Jack Ketch 03:22
lyrics
buy track
HEAD UPON THE BLOCK A MIGHTY SMELL OF FEAR DISTRACTED ME AS I HAD RAISED THE AXE. YOU HAVE LIED! THIS IS TREASON! YOU DESERTED YOUR KING. SILENCE IN THE AIR AS THE BLADE HOVERS OVER, TAKING AIM TO PLUMMET TO THE NECK. I WILL SLICE, I'M DISTRACTED. I SLIPPED! WHAT A MESS! (OH HECK?)(OH SHIT?) RAISE TO CHOP AGAIN, I CLUMSILY REFRAIN COMPLETION OF THE PAIN. HERE WE GO ONCE MORE, THE CROWD BEGINS TO ROAR. THIS LORD WILL NOT BE SLAIN. AND THIS WILL GET ME FIRED FROM THE BOARD. SIXTEEN EIGHTY FIVE. THE 1ST DUKE OF MONMOUTH. I'M NERVOUS OF THE SHOW-THERE'S A CROWD! BUT HE HAS LIED! THIS IS TREASON! THIS GIG, IS TOO LOUD! SCARED I'LL DO THE SAME HE OFFERS ME A FORTUNE TO FINISH OF HIS LIFE IN ONE SWIPE. I WILL TRY. I AM AIMING. BLADE DROPS. OH MY! RAISE TO CHOP AGAIN, I CLUMSILY REFRAIN COMPLETION OF THE PAIN. HERE WE GO ONCE MORE, THE CROWD BEGINS TO ROAR. THIS LORD WILL NOT BE SLAIN. AND THIS WILL GET ME FIRED FROM THE... HALF THE KING'S MILITARY LEAD ME THROUGH THE CROWD. THE EASIEST MISTAKE AND I'M BEING FUCKING DROWNED, BY THE WAVES OF THE PUBLIC WANNA BEAT ME TO THE GROUND AN ASS I GUESS, I FUCKED IT UP, AND THAT I MUST CONFESS. THE NERVES FRIED MY BRAINS AND YOU ALL KNOW THE REST. THE REASON WHY I WRITE THIS, I'M SORRY FOR THIS MESS MESS MESS MESS MESS MESS MESS MESS MESS MESS (ON THE STABS) THIS IS AN AP OL O GIE. NOW IT'S DONE. (CAN I BE DEMOTED TO RUNNING THE GALLOWS?)
8.
Scold's Bridle 02:46
info
buy track
9.
Blown From a Gun 03:35
lyrics
buy track
Come see the show You’ll thank me when it’s done This spectacle Has top bill where I’m from ((Blown from a gun!! X 3) (Blown!!!)) X 2 Take my advise And don’t you stand too close ‘Cause with this fire We’ll watch a man explode ((Blown from a gun X 3) (Blown!!!)) X 2 Bring him to the front Strap him to the gun Hello gentlemen The main event’s begun The wick has now been lit Get ready this is it In 1857 It’s the country’s biggest hit Cannon sounds Legs drop dwon Guts fly out All around Spraying blood Like a flood Head shoots up Man erupts Sprayed in blood the stink surrounds of what was once a man Shooting out in all directions 15 meter span Burning flesh is caught by ravens ‘fore it reaches ground The blast starts your ears ringing and then that’s the only sound Sepoys are rebelling and that’s why we came to town 7,000 kilometers hunt deserters sown Tis the fate of anyone who Disobeys the crown Blown to bits, evaporated
10.
Raging Steed 03:29
lyrics
buy track
HARNESS THE BEAST WITH THE PHANTOM SNORT AS THE STEED STAMPEDES IN A SPECTRAL FORCE NO GRACE. BRINGER OF NEWS OF A DIM-LIT KIND, OF A NEARING FATE THAT WILL LEAVE YOUR BREATH BEHIND. LUNA, SATELLITE, GODDESS OF THE SKY. BRINGS ALL TOO BAD UPON ME ALL TOO BAD UPON ME. EQUINE GHOST REACHING ALL OF 10 FEET HIGH. BRINGS ALL TOO BAD UPON ME ALL TOO BAD UPON ME. HERALD AND BEHOLD! THE RAGING STEED!! THUNDEROUS HOOVES DRIVING EARTH TO DUST, BELLOWING OUT FROM A WHIMPERING CRUST CALLED HATE. SCOLDING THE GROUND WITH A FORCE TEN SCREAM, TO REACH US AND TELL US IMPENDING DISASTER AWAITS. LUNAR DIETY, DAUGHTER OF THE MOUNT BRINGS ALL TOO BAD UPON ME ALL TOO BAD UPON ME. RAGING STEED IS DELIVERER OF DOUBT. BRINGS ALL TOO BAD UPON ME ALL TOO BAD UPON ME. HERALD AND BEHOLD! THE RAGING STEED!! X 20,090

credits

released April 19, 2014

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Half Ton Destrier image

Half Ton Destrier Michigan

Atkinson Grimshaw and The Woodcocks do songs about weird history and past tales in punk.

contact / help

Contact Half Ton Destrier

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

If you like Half Ton Destrier, you may also like:

Bandcamp Daily  your guide to the world of Bandcamp

On Bandcamp Radio

Saxophonist Isaiah Collier chats about his new LP and the influence of Pharoah Sanders.
listen now